Walking With Grandmpa [my father and grand-daughter]

Walking With Grandmpa [my father and grand-daughter]
"I like walking with granpa his steps are short like mine." (dedicated to my dad who passed 4/1/10)

Friday, May 2, 2014

Past and Present

So glad April is over, seems like I am always looking over my shoulder thinking let nothing bad happen, I am sure most everyone has a month or a day they dread? I lost my grandfather and father in April, my grandfather (I was his power of attorney) when complications from a surgery occurred I was the one that had to turn off the machine.  I think this was hardest decision I ever had to make, looking back I think it was that much harder because I had to do it alone, I was the only one that could make it. My grandfather had a living will and it said never to be put on a machine because (he said) he did not ever want to put me in the position of turning it off, but things happened so fast the hospital put him on without (I guess) looking at his records. They informed me that once he was on the machine it reverted to the power of attorney and that person had to remove it and of course that was me. I almost wanted to say and now you are looking at his living will.....My father didn't have a living will and when complication happened the hospital wanted to put him on the machine (they said) long enough to run tests to see if they could find what went wrong, they did not find the cause but they said he was brain dead and the machine had to be turned off. This decision (with Dad) was between my 5 siblings and I, this may sound odd but it took a lot of stress off me knowing I was not doing it alone this time. With my grandfather the stress of what I had to do put me in the ER but with dad it was just the gut wrenching sorrow of loosing a very important love in my life. I could almost feel the distribution of the decision with dad resting on the shoulders of all of us not just mine, if that makes sense? My grandfather passed 10 years ago and Dad 4, both within a few days of Easter. I hope one of these years I look forward to April again, it was/is a time of family get togethers, BBQs, church events, it all still goes on around me, I just cant seem to get the same "feeling" I used to get. I hope soon it will be like that again without the pain. Sorry did not plan to post the above, I just sat down to post births and it happened...
On to the farm :) We had two births in April
                                       Bella had a girl
                              Snowball also had a girl
When looking at all three calves the other day my daughter laughed and said they look like the ink was slowly running out....


  1. Your feelings are perfectly understandable, and you did the right thing. I hope, also, that you can once again enjoy the season. Calving season is a part of farming that I miss most.

    1. Thank Gorges and with regards to the calves waiting for the little ones to be born and watch them play and grow I would miss that also.

  2. I am so sorry you had to go through all of that! I hope next April is a better one for you!


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